dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
