TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
