They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
