he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
