dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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