And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize