Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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