BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
