she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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