my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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