I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize