who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
