If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
