NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
