Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
