I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
