I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize