I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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