Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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