Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. đ
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Liz Cheney wasnât exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying âYAS QUEENâ for in 2021 but here we are
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