u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
