My liver just broke up with me...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Randomize
