My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
