Where did you get a picture of my penis
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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