Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
