just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
