what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
