I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
