Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my shit smells like andre
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
