garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
