by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
