I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
