shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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