i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
