Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
