Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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