U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
