he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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