so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
