my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize
