Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize