i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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