I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
