1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
