I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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