Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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