Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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