Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
