The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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