false alarm. still invincible.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
