I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
