just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
