Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
