fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
