Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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