Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
