sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
