So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
