So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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