i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
