if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
