ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I've blown a few things in my day
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
