so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
