what if every blade of grass was a penis?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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