I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
