Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
