hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Sorry about my life...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize