Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
