she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
