I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
