I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
