get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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