Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
